Sunday, 14 June 2020

Depression

No words to express the grief.

Coz I exactly know how it feels to go to that dark place of despair, helplessness, and hopelessness. 

Everyone writing, suicide is real, depression is real. We are here for you.....For once SHUT THE FUCK UP.

How many of you have really been with people who go through shit, go through real suicidal thoughts, how many of you have in passing lightly made use of the word depression coz you didn't get the right flavor of your dessert. How many of you have said, oh she/he still behaves like a victim, not picked up calls, not met the friend when she needs you, have victim-blamed. Gossiped about one's grief, bitched about one's tragedies. Avoided their WhatsApp messages. Judged them mercilessly. Asked them to vaguely move on, to stop overreacting. 

Now only coz it is trending news, stop lip-synching and look at people around you, start there. It starts with empathy. 

If anyone is going through suicidal thoughts. Kindly contact a psychological counselor. It's ok to feel what you feel. You are not weak, you are not alone.

I was there. I went to a therapist. I am doing good now. 

Keep a journal, write your thoughts, take a bath or a walk, move away from that particular room you are in, count the sheep in your mind, stop listening to patho songs, stay away from people who don't understand you or mock your pain, every hurt is real. Don't compare your life to anyone. Pet stray dogs in your area, adopt a cat, leave a relationship which is a drag, friendships where you aren't appreciated. Relatives who are jealous, I stopped watching the news too.  IT IS NOT EASY I know. If it's worse, count your breathing. One breath at a time. 

There is hope. Even if it's the tiniest one. But there is. 

When I was in that dark moment myself, I almost killed myself. Then I heard a whisper - Not like this Jael for all the struggles you have gone through. This isn't the right way. Also, my girl, you haven't seen northern lights. 

I had hope. I had a dream. I lived and I live like a queen now. 

Lots of love for everyone who read it understood it, and those who cried. I know. 

Hugs 

~Survivor.

( When my therapist told me along with depression I have PTSD and few more. I was like how can one petite body hold so much. I should be special then. I still remember her smile. )

Those who need help can call any of these 
Bangalore #
SAHAI # 080-25497777 (M-Sat)
Spandana # 080-65000222
Sampurna # 080-25285555
Mitram #080-25722573(10-2, M-Sat)
Helpline 104

AASRA 0222-754669
ICALL #022-25521111(10-10 M-sat) 
Sumaitri # 011-23389090

Sunday, 27 August 2017

Thursday, 13 November 2014

 your pretty face
your cute voice
leaves me to writing this...
you beat the beauty of heaven
nothing makes it even
your kindness is too much for hell
your too much of an angel
woow!! what a smile the whole world stops
and stares more than a mile...
you light my world
its too much to afford!!
carve your name to my heart..
a girl that shot me faster than the dart... :*

      I still remember when i first saw her she was wearing a black top and a light pink jeans..she was soo beautiful that I couldnt take my eyes of her, that was the first time i was so attracted so facinated to a girl, Her beautiful ,cute face attracted my attraction . I am in BCA first sem now..she was in our college..
  It was the second day in my degree college, when i entered the class,i noticed she was sitting in second bench, I was surprised to see her in my class. I was continously staring at her,she was sitting alone , I felt a sudden urge to go and talk to her but i stopped myself from doing so as it would have bad impression on her .I waited for a right time. the teacher asked her to introduce herself..Her name was  Ananya . Her name was cute but she was cutest for me, The most beautiful , most adroable girl I have ever seen in my life!!
   some days later ,i came to know she was in the same batch in my cp lab but the other good thing is she sat next  to me , wow! what a felling it was, my heart was pounding with the shock that i was unable to control it...from past five weeks i'm sitting next to her ,trying to talk to her ,trying to impress her..
   Am i in love with her, no says the brain yes says the heart....ill never get her says my mind but ill surely get her says the lovable heart...

                                                                           *   *   *
some days later i proposed her... i wrote a letter, the letter i wrote with all my fellings in.. the letter i wrote for days together
                                                                        *    *    *                                                                       
Your smile is my suffocation
Like life in Hitler’s gas chamber
But that’s my energy too
Like Popeye’s green spinach….

Girl….
Come into me, be with me.
Like sodium and water,
You and I will have a blast & bright life…
And girl finally….
…..you must be that rain, which makes my life a green harvest.

PS: if that heart is clouded, rain must come in green dress tomorrow.
no she did not wore the green dress for me i was waiting for her reply, she dint even looked at me.. day passed by another day i was waiting & waiting her to wear a green dress no she rejected me without telling any reason... she rejected my love before it grew up my love died :( </3 :'( many love dies in premature oh!! god my love too died for it.....